..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
