Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
