it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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