if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
