he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
