Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
