There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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