Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Randomize
