I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
