what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Randomize
