come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
