Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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