I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
