Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
