Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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