i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
