She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
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