Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
