I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
