god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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