Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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