Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
