Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
