Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
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