Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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