my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Sext me about skeletons
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
