I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
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