How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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