When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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