im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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