You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
