You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
