it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
