friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
He better not be in your backpack
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
