can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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