ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
