This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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