Say something about gay babies.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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