mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
