my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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