There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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