Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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