Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
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