im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
