why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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