Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Randomize
