i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
