I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
