we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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