I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I will pee on everything he values.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Randomize
