Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
