I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
