Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Its about making memories worth repressing
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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