Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
