So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
