I think I just saw someone hide a body.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
